Five Essential Steps To Prepare for Dating in Midlife

Dr. Carol Schumacher • June 15, 2018

You are not alone if you are starting to get back into the dating game in midlife, defined as the age between 40-65 years. At a time when the divorce rate seems to be going down for younger adults, the divorce rate, for example for adults aged 50 and older has roughly doubled since the 1990s.

Research indicates that many of these late divorcees have grown unsatisfied with their marriages, and are not willing to spend another minute miserable in an unhappy relationship. They realize they have more decades left to live and are now seeking opportunities to pursue their interests and independence for the rest of their lives.

But living alone should not necessarily be your end goal as it can have some downsides and lead to social isolation. This loneliness and isolation can even carry serious health risks and shorten life according to a decades-long study by the University College London. Your life after a divorce is not ever going to be the same, and you may want to have fun again or desire a new and exciting experience with a better-suited partner.

Then you go on a dating website, arrange your first meeting, and you realize that it’s been a long time that you went out to meet someone for the first time. And insecurities about you, how to dress and what to say will inevitably come up. However, there are a few steps you can take to help you successfully prepare for a first meeting so you can feel confident that you are doing it in a way that will have you feeling great, attract your best match and ensure you are having a good time.

1. Make sure your healing work is done. Do this necessary task unless to avoid repeating the same experience as the one you have left. Understand what drew you to your ex and what you subsequently learned. Release the pain and grief that you felt during your marriage and divorce so you can create space for something new. Destroy old love letters, get rid of stuff that makes you feel lonely, write about your feelings, even the angry and resentful ones, perhaps write a respectful letter to your ex, or have a last clarifying conversation if required. Let go of the past and accept that you are going to be in an in-between time for a bit, not knowing when a new partner will show up and that it’s perfect just the way it is.

2. Set a clear intention . Be clear on who you would like to attract into your life, what your life with this person would look like, all the different scenarios you can imagine, where you would want to live, what type of lifestyle, even looks and manner of the future partner can be critical. Inform your friends or support groups about what you want to create, who you want to attract, do a vision board or write it out. Be honest and don't hold back even if you think it's not possible. By setting clear intentions and envisioning and feeling it you will draw in and create the circumstances and opportunities that will allow you to bring in the right partner. Leave no doubt it will happen and live in that feeling of joy it creates

3. Be You . Don’t play games and be as authentic as possible. That doesn’t mean you should show up in your weekend clothes that have yard work dirt on them or skip on make up. Yes, dress for the occasion but don’t overdo it. It’s probably a good idea to overhaul your wardrobe and see what feels right for you now with your new status of being single. Wearing a dress if you are a woman may make you feel more feminine and attractive and a nice pair of pants and shirt, if you are a man, will give confidence. Speak your truth on issues that are dear to your heart even if you think it might be a turn off for the other person. Clear and honest communication is the only way to build a real partnership

4. Prepare your home. Set up your place in a way that is a reflection of who you are and that is inviting and welcoming to a new partner should you invite him or her in. Do a bit of Feng Shui, remove anything that reminds of sorrow, isolation or loneliness. Replace pictures and get new pictures or artwork that are symbolic of love, relationship, and joy. These objects will consistently remind you to stay in that positive feeling

5. Accept the process . Be accepting of the fact that most first dates are awkward, and that it may take a while and multiple dates until you find yourself on a good one. Don’t give up, but take breaks to regroup and ground again. Enjoy yourself during that time and do a lot of self-care. If you don’t have a date lined up, take yourself out on a date with yourself. Enjoy this time of adventure and new beginnings.

Dating can be a fun new thing, and it’s best to see it as such. Don’t take it too seriously; otherwise, it will be exhausting, and you will not be in the right energy to attract what you desire.

Be bold, be brave, have fun.

Create Your life in "The Sweet Spot"

Much love

Dr. Carol


Ps. Would you like to make more positive choices in your life? Would you want support in creating your healthiest, happiest life ever? If yes, then let’s talk!

Schedule a Complimentary Health Clarity Consultation with me today <HERE > and sign up for my newsletter <HERE > to get occasional updates.


Ps. Would you like to establish lasting nutritional and healthy lifestyle habit ? Would you like support in transforming your health, wellness, and life to create your healthiest, happiest life ever? Let’s talk!

Schedule a Complimentary Health Clarity Session with me today and sign up for my newsletter to get occasional updates.
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Emotions - Good or Bad?

By Carol Schumacher • September 11, 2020
How are your emotions these days? Are they all over the place, or are you riding calm waters? Are you allowing them or suppressing them as no bandwidth or even time to deal with them? We want to feel balanced, have fun, and enjoy life. We often think it's inconvenient to feel emotions; In reality, this can set us up for numbness and disconnect from self and others. Life is not predictable, and it does require attention to what is arising at the moment, These days emotions seem more challenging to manage. I have to admit, some days I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride with mine. They can be deeply painful and seem insurmountable, for hours or days, then, by acknowledging them, being present with them, they tend to soften into something more bearable. And eventually, they pass. I thought I had it all mastered, I envisioned a balanced life from now on, meditating, doing yoga, and looking inside, but then this is not how life is. Even if negative, deep emotions still must be felt and experienced, and with the ongoing pandemic, it's even more critical. Nothing ever stays the same. Accepting this challenge, acknowledging what is happening right now, is what provides relief. Life means constant change. It's like flowing with a river. While we are at it, we always connect with what's around us, be it a pandemic, fires, our families, our network of friends, work, schools, neighborhoods, etc., always in exchange with them unconsciously and consciously. And we get stimulated or triggered by this. Here are three steps to help you work through negative emotions: 1. Becoming aware of this is the first step to moving forward, especially when we feel paralyzed with overwhelm, fear, anxiety, or sadness. Sometimes, the emotions, like fear, grief, or sadness, arise from something deeper inside, a deeper connection to something that happened to us before or even to some of our ancestors. It doesn't matter. 2. Allowing and feeling that is the second step. There is the question however for how long should we do it? When you observe how a child healthily processes emotions, it will feel them deeply, cry about it but then move on. It's a process that usually is not repeated as it involves letting it go. 3 . What often happens to us is that we get re-triggered and re-triggered, which is not a healthy way of dealing with emotions. So once we are through feeling and acknowledging all the emotions, the grief, and sadness, around an event or a situation then it's time for the third step. The third step is to recondition our bodies and minds to happier, more elevated emotions, like love, joy, or gratitude. And this is where, meditation and yoga become essential tools to accomplishing this. How are you feeling about these three steps? Do yo think they are helpful? As for me, after an unusual night of restless sleep and working through some heavy emotions, I am off to meditate. "Create Your Life in The Sweet Spot " Much love, Dr. Carol

Five Powerful Hacks for Good and Restful Sleep 

By Dr. Carol Schumacher • May 30, 2020
Do we need more sleep? Is it that important? The answer for almost everyone is a big Yes. What stands out for me is that not only a good night's sleep can change our outlook on life entirely, but we will also have so much more energy to better handle daily stressors. Unfortunately, sleep is not valued highly in today's society. We believe we can get by on minimal sleep to maximize our wakeful activities, and the consequences are limited to a little sleepiness during the day. We are mistaken!

The Benefits of Travel

By Dr. Carol Schumacher • July 13, 2019
The real beauty in journeying is the change in mindset. Traveling has a fantastic way to clear cobwebs of the minds. Suddenly we see our lives with different eyes as we get away from our daily routines. We receive additional information from different angles and viewpoints. We see new paths and possibilities and maybe feel inspired for life again. Getting out of the daily routine, for a couple of days, a couple of weeks are even better, and we can feel like we are reborn. We now can see life through a different lens, with an expanded interpretation.  What made sense before is now questioned, and we start to reevaluate our daily routines.Having a chronic health condition and being on a restrictive diet, e.g., AIP or an Elimination diet, we can feel boxed in and limited.

Sweet Sugar or Sugar Blues?

By Dr. Carol Schumacher • June 17, 2019
Did you know that sugar could be as addictive as cocaine and that it hijacks your brain? Sugar stimulates the brain’s reward system called the mesolimbic dopamine system to release dopamine. This will make you feel good and make you want to do it again and again.  Did you know by eating sugar regularly you could develop a sugar tolerance, meaning you need more of it for the same effect? It’s a way for the dopamine reward system to prevent it from becoming overstimulated; dopamine receptors are down-regulated, meaning there will be less of them and you need to eat more sugar to get the same great feeling (similar to recreational drugs). The end of the road is often type 2 diabetes.

Your Path to Healing

By Dr. Carol Schumacher • June 13, 2019
Let’s be clear, proper nutrition is the foundation for excellent health but even more important are your thoughts and your emotional state. In the end, it’s mind over body. If you have an old program running your life subconsciously, limiting thoughts, negative self-talk or unfinished business, e.g., like childhood trauma that has not healed, or past hurt you cannot forget or forgive, then healing is impossible.

Chicken Soup and Bone Broth

By Dr. Carol Schumacher • May 28, 2019
We all know chicken soup is good for the soul and speeds up healing but using bone broth instead of regular broth in cooking potentizes those health benefits for every part of your body, from brain to muscles to ligaments. You make bone broth from simmering all that's not meat from an animal for a day and even longer. The slow cocking releases minerals like Calcium and Magnesium, 19 different amino acids, collagen (gelatin), glutamine, and many other beneficial nutrients into the broth.Bone broth supports healthy digestion, heals the gut, reduces inflammation in joints and the whole body, promotes healthy bones, hair, and nails. These are all excellent reasons to incorporate it into your diet.

Toxic Relationships

By Dr. Carol Schumacher • May 21, 2019
Are you struggling with undesirable inflammation in your body? Take a good look at everything in your life that might trigger inflammation. Not your food, your weight, your exercise regimen but your relationships also. Toxic relationships can cause inflammation. The relationship doesn't need to be physically violent; it can be any relationship that's abusive or dysfunctional, it can be your boss, your so-called friend, or a relative. If someone is emotionally, mentally, or financially abusing you, it's not acceptable and is detrimental to your health.

How to Feel Better Now  - The Essential Ingredient

By Dr. Carol Schumacher • April 22, 2019
Are you just starting on your health journey and wondering what the first step is? Or have you already started but feel stuck in the process, overwhelmed or unmotivated? If you want to start feeling better right away, the first step could be to look at your belief system. Examine if you believe that you actually can attain good health or if you feel like it is beyond you. If it seems beyond you right now dig deeper

Why Exercise is the Best Stress Buster - Five Steps for Getting Started

By Dr. Carol Schumacher • March 1, 2019
There are many different ways to deal with and release stress, but exercise is one of the fastest and most effective ways. Movement affects every part of your body and mind, in a very beneficial way. Of course, it’s the last thing on your mind, it seems like too much effort, and life is already too complicated. However, please stay with me and read on. Let’s talk about how it can help your mental and emotional wellbeing first.

Gratitude is Healing - How To Transform Your Life Through Gratitude

By Dr. Carol Schumacher • May 30, 2018
A glass filled halfway with water, would you say it’s half full or half empty? If you picked half empty and are doing this habitually, it might be an indicator that you perceive the world as a complicated place, and you approach your life with negativity. A negative outlook on life can contribute to anything from depression to heart disease to a lowered immune system function. It can affect your sleep, your weight, the quality of your relationships, your social life, and even your ability to hold a job. When you are going through a major transformation, e.g., a divorce, break up or are mourning the loss of a loved one it can be even more challenging to keep a positive outlook and stay healthy. What can you do that is not overwhelming, is simple and is highly effective? The practice is called Gratitude. It might help you upgrade your mindset, reduce your stress, help you cope with the mourning and releasing process, and boost your health and happiness at the same time. According to Harvard Health, a gratitude practice helps you refocus on what you have instead of what you lack. By focusing on what's right in your life and expressing gratitude, you will learn and understand that even if things didn't turn out the way you intended, there are still beautiful things in your life to appreciate and be grateful for. I experienced my daily gratitude practice as one of the most helpful and powerful tools when I was going through and recovering from a highly toxic marriage and divorce process. The evidence is growing that gratitude is good for the brain and body. People who have a regular gratitude practice tend to experience more positive emotions like happiness, as well as stronger relationships and improved health. So let’s get started: 1. Every morning when you wake up think of 3 things you’re grateful for . This habit is very powerful on days when you wake up groggy, unmotivated or depressed. Don’t forget the “pleasures” you can count on every day, e.g., food on the table, a beautiful home to live in, sun shining, etc. This exercise can, of course, be repeated in the evening before you fall asleep. 2. Keep a gratitude journal. Keep it close by and throughout the day take notes about what you are grateful for. Little things count as blessings, too. 3. Write a thank-you letter. Tell someone in writing how much you enjoy or appreciate their presence in your life. It could be someone who is unique to you, has given you something, or helped you in some way. On special occasions or holidays write something extra-special for someone who you appreciate. 4. Give a compliment to someone you just met. By connecting with others and helping them feel better, you not only build new relationships, but you will feel happier yourself. Focus on others’ needs and struggles and give them a helping hand. 5. Change what you see. If you notice someone or something that you perceive as negative, make it a practice to change it into something positive in your mind. Identify even the tiniest thing that is positive and appealing. Maintaining a positive outlook takes practice, and the more you do it, the easier it gets. The payoff—a happier, healthier and more fulfilled life—is worth the effort. "Create Your Life in The Sweet Spot" much love, Dr. Carol Ps. Would you like to make more positive choices in your life? Would you want support in creating your healthiest, happiest life ever? If yes, then let’s talk! Schedule a Complimentary Health Clarity Consultation with me today and sign up for my newsletter to get occasional updates.
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