Toxic Relationships
Dr. Carol Schumacher • May 21, 2019
What does this have to do with health you may ask?
Optimum health is holistic; it involves your body, mind, and soul.
Are you struggling with undesirable inflammation in your body? Take a good look at everything in your life that might trigger inflammation. Not only your food, your weight, your exercise regimen but your relationships also.
Toxic relationships can cause inflammation. The relationship doesn't need to be physically violent; it can be any relationship that's abusive or dysfunctional, it can be your boss, your so-called friend, or a relative.
If someone is emotionally, mentally, or financially abusing you, it's not acceptable and is detrimental to your health.
Is someone important to you calling you names, threatening, humiliating, or ignoring you, not being honest with you or completely controlling the money and decisions over it?
In toxic relationships like this, you walk on eggshells, and your sympathetic nervous system is on constant alert. Guess what, your body will direct its energy from supporting processes like digestion and healing to getting your brain and body ready for fight or flight. Such psychological stress causes undesirable systemic inflammation.
An inflammatory cascade is coming down on you. If chronically exposed, you will start experiencing health issues. An issue might start small, barely noticeable, but give it time, and it will become more significant.
Sometimes the best course of action is to end a relationship rather than keep hoping that it will get better. People who don't see a problem with their negative behavior won't change.
I went through this in my marriage, hoping for a change and feeling more and more miserable with time, with health issues coming in. In the end, I chose not to live like this any longer.
Love yourself and don't feel guilty to remove toxic people from your life. If you need help, get it, you are worth it! Then there will space for the right people in your life, the ones that love, respect, and appreciate you.
These days, if I am with people or in a place that makes me feel bad, I will observe and, if necessary, walk away. I won't wait for the person or the situation to change, I change. It can be straightforward.
"Create Your Life in The Sweet Spot"
much love,
Dr. Carol
Ps. Would you like to make more positive choices in your life? Would you like support in creating your healthiest, happiest life ever? Let’s talk!
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How are your emotions these days? Are they all over the place, or are you riding calm waters? Are you allowing them or suppressing them as no bandwidth or even time to deal with them? We want to feel balanced, have fun, and enjoy life. We often think it's inconvenient to feel emotions; In reality, this can set us up for numbness and disconnect from self and others. Life is not predictable, and it does require attention to what is arising at the moment, These days emotions seem more challenging to manage. I have to admit, some days I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride with mine. They can be deeply painful and seem insurmountable, for hours or days, then, by acknowledging them, being present with them, they tend to soften into something more bearable. And eventually, they pass. I thought I had it all mastered, I envisioned a balanced life from now on, meditating, doing yoga, and looking inside, but then this is not how life is. Even if negative, deep emotions still must be felt and experienced, and with the ongoing pandemic, it's even more critical. Nothing ever stays the same. Accepting this challenge, acknowledging what is happening right now, is what provides relief. Life means constant change. It's like flowing with a river. While we are at it, we always connect with what's around us, be it a pandemic, fires, our families, our network of friends, work, schools, neighborhoods, etc., always in exchange with them unconsciously and consciously. And we get stimulated or triggered by this. Here are three steps to help you work through negative emotions: 1. Becoming aware of this is the first step to moving forward, especially when we feel paralyzed with overwhelm, fear, anxiety, or sadness. Sometimes, the emotions, like fear, grief, or sadness, arise from something deeper inside, a deeper connection to something that happened to us before or even to some of our ancestors. It doesn't matter. 2. Allowing and feeling that is the second step. There is the question however for how long should we do it? When you observe how a child healthily processes emotions, it will feel them deeply, cry about it but then move on. It's a process that usually is not repeated as it involves letting it go. 3 . What often happens to us is that we get re-triggered and re-triggered, which is not a healthy way of dealing with emotions. So once we are through feeling and acknowledging all the emotions, the grief, and sadness, around an event or a situation then it's time for the third step. The third step is to recondition our bodies and minds to happier, more elevated emotions, like love, joy, or gratitude. And this is where, meditation and yoga become essential tools to accomplishing this. How are you feeling about these three steps? Do yo think they are helpful? As for me, after an unusual night of restless sleep and working through some heavy emotions, I am off to meditate. "Create Your Life in The Sweet Spot " Much love, Dr. Carol
Do we need more sleep? Is it that important?
The answer for almost everyone is a big Yes. What stands out for me is that not only a good night's sleep can change our outlook on life entirely, but we will also have so much more energy to better handle daily stressors.
Unfortunately, sleep is not valued highly in today's society. We believe we can get by on minimal sleep to maximize our wakeful activities, and the consequences are limited to a little sleepiness during the day. We are mistaken!
The real beauty in journeying is the change in mindset. Traveling has a fantastic way to clear cobwebs of the minds. Suddenly we see our lives with different eyes as we get away from our daily routines. We receive additional information from different angles and viewpoints. We see new paths and possibilities and maybe feel inspired for life again. Getting out of the daily routine, for a couple of days, a couple of weeks are even better, and we can feel like we are reborn. We now can see life through a different lens, with an expanded interpretation. What made sense before is now questioned, and we start to reevaluate our daily routines.Having a chronic health condition and being on a restrictive diet, e.g., AIP or an Elimination diet, we can feel boxed in and limited.
Did you know that sugar could be as addictive as cocaine and that it hijacks your brain? Sugar stimulates the brain’s reward system called the mesolimbic dopamine system to release dopamine. This will make you feel good and make you want to do it again and again. Did you know by eating sugar regularly you could develop a sugar tolerance, meaning you need more of it for the same effect? It’s a way for the dopamine reward system to prevent it from becoming overstimulated; dopamine receptors are down-regulated, meaning there will be less of them and you need to eat more sugar to get the same great feeling (similar to recreational drugs). The end of the road is often type 2 diabetes.
Let’s be clear, proper nutrition is the foundation for excellent health but even more important are your thoughts and your emotional state. In the end, it’s mind over body.
If you have an old program running your life subconsciously, limiting thoughts, negative self-talk or unfinished business, e.g., like childhood trauma that has not healed, or past hurt you cannot forget or forgive, then healing is impossible.
We all know chicken soup is good for the soul and speeds up healing but using bone broth instead of regular broth in cooking potentizes those health benefits for every part of your body, from brain to muscles to ligaments. You make bone broth from simmering all that's not meat from an animal for a day and even longer. The slow cocking releases minerals like Calcium and Magnesium, 19 different amino acids, collagen (gelatin), glutamine, and many other beneficial nutrients into the broth.Bone broth supports healthy digestion, heals the gut, reduces inflammation in joints and the whole body, promotes healthy bones, hair, and nails. These are all excellent reasons to incorporate it into your diet.
Are you just starting on your health journey and wondering what the first step is? Or have you already started but feel stuck in the process, overwhelmed or unmotivated?
If you want to start feeling better right away, the first step could be to look at your belief system.
Examine if you believe that you actually can attain good health or if you feel like it is beyond you. If it seems beyond you right now dig deeper
There are many different ways to deal with and release stress, but exercise is one of the fastest and most effective ways. Movement affects every part of your body and mind, in a very beneficial way.
Of course, it’s the last thing on your mind, it seems like too much effort, and life is already too complicated. However, please stay with me and read on.
Let’s talk about how it can help your mental and emotional wellbeing first.
You are not alone if you are starting to get back into the dating game in midlife, defined as the age between 40-65 years. At a time when the divorce rate seems to be going down for younger adults, the divorce rate, for example for adults aged 50 and older has roughly doubled since the 1990s.
Research indicates that many of these late divorcees have grown unsatisfied with their marriages, and are not willing to spend another minute miserable in an unhappy relationship
A glass filled halfway with water, would you say it’s half full or half empty? If you picked half empty and are doing this habitually, it might be an indicator that you perceive the world as a complicated place, and you approach your life with negativity. A negative outlook on life can contribute to anything from depression to heart disease to a lowered immune system function. It can affect your sleep, your weight, the quality of your relationships, your social life, and even your ability to hold a job. When you are going through a major transformation, e.g., a divorce, break up or are mourning the loss of a loved one it can be even more challenging to keep a positive outlook and stay healthy. What can you do that is not overwhelming, is simple and is highly effective? The practice is called Gratitude. It might help you upgrade your mindset, reduce your stress, help you cope with the mourning and releasing process, and boost your health and happiness at the same time. According to Harvard Health, a gratitude practice helps you refocus on what you have instead of what you lack. By focusing on what's right in your life and expressing gratitude, you will learn and understand that even if things didn't turn out the way you intended, there are still beautiful things in your life to appreciate and be grateful for. I experienced my daily gratitude practice as one of the most helpful and powerful tools when I was going through and recovering from a highly toxic marriage and divorce process. The evidence is growing that gratitude is good for the brain and body. People who have a regular gratitude practice tend to experience more positive emotions like happiness, as well as stronger relationships and improved health. So let’s get started: 1. Every morning when you wake up think of 3 things you’re grateful for . This habit is very powerful on days when you wake up groggy, unmotivated or depressed. Don’t forget the “pleasures” you can count on every day, e.g., food on the table, a beautiful home to live in, sun shining, etc. This exercise can, of course, be repeated in the evening before you fall asleep. 2. Keep a gratitude journal. Keep it close by and throughout the day take notes about what you are grateful for. Little things count as blessings, too. 3. Write a thank-you letter. Tell someone in writing how much you enjoy or appreciate their presence in your life. It could be someone who is unique to you, has given you something, or helped you in some way. On special occasions or holidays write something extra-special for someone who you appreciate. 4. Give a compliment to someone you just met. By connecting with others and helping them feel better, you not only build new relationships, but you will feel happier yourself. Focus on others’ needs and struggles and give them a helping hand. 5. Change what you see. If you notice someone or something that you perceive as negative, make it a practice to change it into something positive in your mind. Identify even the tiniest thing that is positive and appealing. Maintaining a positive outlook takes practice, and the more you do it, the easier it gets. The payoff—a happier, healthier and more fulfilled life—is worth the effort. "Create Your Life in The Sweet Spot" much love, Dr. Carol Ps. Would you like to make more positive choices in your life? Would you want support in creating your healthiest, happiest life ever? If yes, then let’s talk! Schedule a Complimentary Health Clarity Consultation with me today and sign up for my newsletter to get occasional updates.